Self Sabotoge

So my keto strips have shown that I’ve been in pretty deep ketosis all week, however I gained three pounds as of this morning.
I was pretty upset until I sat down and analyzed what I had been doing wrong.  Self analysis is becoming a pretty big thing with me.  🙂
So a week ago when 70 Pounds Of Life announced she was going to do a dietbet, I got very excited.  I’ve never done a dietbet before, but I’ve seen a lot of people do them and I thought it would be good motivation for me to clean up my diet and start working out more.  I signed right up and saw that it didn’t start until August 6th. Without really realizing it, I promptly started to get even more relaxed with my diet.  I was eating low carb, but not counting anything.  Eating more cheese and high calorie dips with pork rinds…all the things I had been avoiding for a while as we are trying to lower our cholesterol and such.  All the things that usually stall me.  I even went so far as to have a couple of chips here and there when someone was partaking in the breakroom at work.  Not enough to knock me out of ketosis, but damn it, I know better.
I had the mindset that I could slack off until the dietbet and then go at with guns blazing.  And what if I did gain a little, once I go whole hog on August 6, it will be even that much easier to lose the little that I gain back.
Yeah, not good.  I also stopped exercising.  Wouldn’t want to start revving that metabolism too early, better save it for the dietbet.
I know that is a truly messed up thought process, but that is what was happening without me even really realizing it.  I knew it on some level, but didn’t want to actually register that that was what I was thinking.
Now that I have accepted that is what my mind is processing, it’s to the point where I am thinking about canceling the dietbet.  But it’s only a little more than a week away and I would like to think that I have more self control than this.  Plus, I’m just excited for it.
The way that it works if you don’t want to click the above link, is that you pay 25 bucks and the people that successfully lose 4% of their body weight in a months time get to split the pot of money from the “registration fees”.  It’s not about the money, it’s more about the winning for me.  I’d like to say that I won a dietbet.  Oh, and also lose those 9 pounds.
My husband is losing at such a rapid pace that I want to share in his excitement.  He is also exercising more regularly than I and that should give me some sort of clue as we are pretty much eating the same.  He’s far thinner than I have ever seen him in almost 19 years together.  I want to have him say the same thing about me.
Granted, I have come a long way…but I have been thinner than this in our marriage.  Not by a lot…I think I got down to 217 several years ago doing the HCG diet.  I was also running and training for 1/2 marathons so my body looked a lot different due to all the physical activity.  I looked and felt great.

I’m ready to feel that way again…I hope.